1963 - Halleluiah !!

In my mind "The Church" is seperate from "God." In many cases I'm not sure He would want the affiliation.

1963 - Halleluiah !!

“The Lord calls on you to sin no more!” The minister stared into my eyes and pointed straight at me with an outstretched finger. “SINNER!!” I jumped back as far as I could. I was already sitting with my backbone securely against the pew-back. “Hear the call of the Lord! He calls you to his service! Halleluiah!”

An hour before I had entered the sanctuary rather apprehensive at attending a different church than the one I was most used to but Bobbie’s sister, Jeannie, had invited us a week before and we had agreed so there we were. Little did I expect the trial through which I was about to be put.

As Jeannie was also a choir member we had arrived a few minutes early and she had found us a spot right in the front row directly in front of the choir. She left to adorn herself in a white choir-robe. We sat and watched people enter and take their seats. We were greeted by a couple of people but mostly we were left alone as we were not recognized by regular members and had sat in a far corner of the front row. In a few minutes the room was full to stranding room only. The prayer of welcome was given and the choir launched into their first hymn. There was a sense of excitement in the room I hadn’t felt in many years. The hymn ended with a flourish and a lay speaker standing at the lectern read a verse from the bible. The preacher, at the pulput, launched immediately into a sermon which started at a conversational level which was incrementally amplified in tone until in the last hour the volume had increased until he was virtually shouting into his microphone.

“We are all sinners who, only by the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, are saved from the fires of eternal damnation! Praise to Him above all others! Pray you may sin no more! Even though that prayer sets an impossible goal the Lord wants you to continually try to live the life He has gifted you to live to its highest and loftiest goals! Let the sinners accept the Lord as their own savior!” The excitement in the air was palatable and I was caught up in the excitement of the moment. “The Lord loves you and wants you to come forward, all ye sinners, to accept the Lord as your personal savior!” I was next to tears as my emotional state began to sympathize with the state of fervor throughout the room. Yes, I could feel His presence! I was ready to accept Jesus as my own personal savior! I didn’t know how I had lived so freely up to this point with so little of Him in my soul! I closed my eyes and prayed with the minister and the congregation, “Dear Lord, take my sins away so I may live in peace and harmony with all men! Show me the strength of Your love! I welcome You into my heart without fear and with an open heart that will help me lean on You during times of weakness!”

“Yes,” I thought, “this is the strength I’ve needed all along.” My heart opened and the presence of the Lord was within me.

“Come to the Lord!” The minister shouted. “I call all among you to confess your sins to the Lord and demonstrate your faith with a call to the alter by all of those who feel the power of the Lord within you!” People began coming forward eventually forming a line waiting to have hands laid upon them and to receive the blessing of the minister. I relished the moment, feeling that I was in the throes of a very significant religious and very personal experience. This was a special moment which I reveled in, feeling a special power course through my veins. Jeannie stepped out of the choir to speak with me.

“Don’t you want to receive the Lord at the Alter-call, Larry?”

“Sorry, Jeannie. I’m having an incredibly personal experience right now and need to deal with these emotions in my own way. I’m not much for public displays…but…thank-you so much for asking me tonight.” I looked up smiling with tears of passion in my eyes feeling the force of the experience with my whole body. I was fairly vibrating with pent-up excitement.

“I understand, Larry.” She said and smiled at me. She rose from the crouch she had been in to better accommodate my position in the pew and re-joined the choir.

The revivalist/minister had carried on while Jeannie and I were speaking leaving his minions to lay hands upon the parishioners. He now moved from the pulpit and across the apse to stand directly in front of me. He had evidently seen Jeannie’s inquiry and my resistance to the alter-call. He stood at the edge of the stage and looked down at me, finger jutting out in my direction as he exclaimed, “Sinners! Sinners give of yourself to the Lord! You cannot escape the blessings of the Lord or the revenge of his mighty sword! The harvest shall come and many will not answer! The Lord welcomes his flock to abide under the protection of the Lord! Come! Come to the protection of God Almighty and His Son, Christ Our Lord!” His finger shook at the heavens until it suddenly thrust directly toward me. “Sinner! Sinner come to the Lord! Believe in the power! Live in sin no more!” I sat back feeling the weight of his finger pressing upon my soul. I felt more than saw the suited gentleman crouch down beside me until he was pressed close to my side and shouting into my ear in an attempt to over-shout the minister who still stood over me accusing me of sins beyond my years or experience. The cacophony of noise impinged seriously upon my rapture. The voice that pleaded in my ear did not help.

“I can see the Lord moving within you, son. Don’t you wish to wash your sins away by coming into the love of the Lord?”

“Yes, I’m having a wonderful experience right here.”

“Then you must come forward to the alter call, son. Welcome Jesus into your heart.”

“He’s there, sir. I’m not comfortable with going to the front but I am having a wonderful time.” A second suit crouched down next to the first. He laid his hand upon my head and forced my eyes toward the floor as he prayed loudly in my direction. The noise grew as a third suit joined the other two.

“If you truly have welcomed the Lord into your heart you could hardly sit here when everyone else confesses their love publicly for all to see.” When I didn’t respond he repeated the phrase three times word-for-word. It began to sound like a chant and the words began to lose meaning. My soul was being distracted. I thought “These guys were destroying the moment but, of course, they’ve got the best intentions.”

“I’m not comfortable in front of everybody.” I said.

“We can adjourn to a fellowship-room and hear your surrender to Jesus. We can pray in peace there.” After a few more minutes of unrelenting appeals to retire to a back-room I gave in to their demands and stood reluctantly following all three of them into a back room immediately off to the side. They closed me in on all sides intimately enough that there would be no shaking off these guys. Of course, even in my discomfort, the thought of escape never crossed my mind until, as we approached the door, I began to feel like a guarded prisoner being escorted to his cell. There were several other groups like mine in this small room, obviously a Sunday-school classroom. Each group held a person sitting in a chair or kneeling in front of a chair and 2-3 suits praying over them. In each group one of the suits had his hand on the head of the “victim” as I was beginning to think of myself. Heads were forced to look towards the floor as prayer issued from every mouth in the room except for those of us in the chairs. As my head went down from the pressure on the back of my head, I caught the eye of a gentleman obviously three-times my age. He didn’t look anymore comfortable than I did. Most other seated individuals were fully participating. At that point I wanted to be anywhere else. I felt another hand on my shoulder.

As the door closed the noise from the other room was muted. The hand on my shoulder and pushed down until I dropped to my knees with very little resistance. It was apparent they were preparing to pray over me…well, ok. I was no longer feeling as emotional as I had a few short minutes before. In fact, I was a little upset that I was pressured into a situation in which I was less than comfortable. I heard prayers going on over me but I had ceased listening or praying along. At this point I just wanted out of there. They began to pepper me with questions like: “Have you accepted the Lord as your savior?”, “Do you love Jesus with all your heart and soul?” and “Do you accept yourself as a sinner needing heavenly guidance?” I answered all of these questions with “Yes” although I was beginning to doubt the truth of my statements due to the discomfort I was feeling. Then, out-of-left-field, a question I wasn’t prepared for in any way flew in my direction: “If you love Jesus then will you support the church that brought you to this realization?”

Tentatively: “Yes?” I was helped into the chair that was directly behind me.

“Sign this paper that declares your soul has been given to Jesus It also allows you to join and support this wonderful church.” I sat in the chair next to which I had been kneeling and accepted the piece of paper with some curiosity. It had a declaration at the top regarding the transformation of my soul. This I checked but as I looked down I saw this was mostly a membership application to the church. I hesitated. “You do want to support the church don’t you?” All three looked down at me from their positions standing around the chair into which I had been placed upon entering this room. I was securely hemmed in. Feeling very uncomfortable I signed the paper and handed it to the first suit. “Oh, you forgot to tithe. How much did you want to give…10, 15, 20% or you could just put the amount you would give every week in the collection plate?” As I added a figure of $5 to the blank space, Suit #1 said “You are working for your parents aren’t you? Don’t your parents own that music store in Winthrop Harbor? I’m sure you could be a bit more generous to the church for saving your soul for all eternity.” I was getting a distinct feeling that we were actually getting closer to the true purpose of this elaborate ceremony…this was nothing but a membership drive! How they knew a kid my age had a job I was clueless. How they actually knew my situation was a bigger mystery. I changed the $5 to $10 and rose to leave. I was no longer feeling the spirit of the Lord and, in fact, was feeling like I had just been taken for a sucker. I retired back to the congregation and sat alone with my thoughts growing more and more unhappy. I had signed a paper that committed me to membership as well as appropriated almost half of the $25 I made every week for helping out at the store.

When I arrived home dad, noticing my mood, asked what was wrong. “I joined a church tonight.” I said, depression dripping from every word.

Dad was a bit surprised as we already had a church we attended weekly (and sometimes weakly.) I was attending confirmation classes and was only a few months from confirmation and membership in my own church. Curious, he asked “How’s that?”

The story came tumbling out how they my emotional heartstrings had been manipulated and how, in a moment of vulnerability, I had been convinced to join the church. I was almost sobbing as the last of the story came out. I had signed papers that said I was now committed to a church and organization of which I knew very little and felt pressured into joining. Dad put his hand on my shoulder. “Calm down, Lar. You didn’t join anything. You’re too young for your signature to commit you to anything. I’ll be giving them a call in the morning.

The next day dad, indeed, did make a call and let the person on the other end what he felt about their membership drive and methods. If I remember it was not a pleasant conversation.

I learned though. Now I understand all about smoke and mirrors.

And, about this subject? I haven’t been fooled since.